A question about LJ ethics.
Sep. 10th, 2010 10:48 amHypothetical situation:
You're friendly acquaintances with someone online. You like this person a lot. You think they're funny and get a kick out of talking to them. You're not close, though.
Sometimes this person is socially awkward in communities. They have an annoying behavior that is getting noticed. It's nothing awful; just something that violates the social norms of the community in some small way. Maybe she often posts comments that are tl;dr. Maybe she has a pet subject, and always must comment when someone mentions it. Maybe she overshares. Little things like that.
As far as you know, no one has said anything to her directly, and so she probably has no idea that she's coming across badly.
The only reason you know people are annoyed is that sometimes you see friends-locked entries about her.
Do you say anything to her?
I know that for a lot of you, the answer is probably "no"; you don't share what's behind a friends-lock at all, ever. It's as if that post does not exist at all outside of the small circle of people with access to it. (Or I'd probably hear more about myself, hah.)
For others, you might say something, but only in a very vague way. "Some people think this is annoying," for example. Or you might say something, but pretend you came up with the observation on your own: "Hey, this might come across differently than you intended..."
Personally, I don't know. I know it matters to me whether or not it's possible to guess who might have posted a friends-locked entry. For example, if I had only five people on my friends list, the answer would be a definite "no," because even if you could only narrow it down to those five people that would be, in my eyes, compromising someone's privacy.
What would you do?
NOTE FOR THE PARANOID: Yes, this is totally about you.
You're friendly acquaintances with someone online. You like this person a lot. You think they're funny and get a kick out of talking to them. You're not close, though.
Sometimes this person is socially awkward in communities. They have an annoying behavior that is getting noticed. It's nothing awful; just something that violates the social norms of the community in some small way. Maybe she often posts comments that are tl;dr. Maybe she has a pet subject, and always must comment when someone mentions it. Maybe she overshares. Little things like that.
As far as you know, no one has said anything to her directly, and so she probably has no idea that she's coming across badly.
The only reason you know people are annoyed is that sometimes you see friends-locked entries about her.
Do you say anything to her?
I know that for a lot of you, the answer is probably "no"; you don't share what's behind a friends-lock at all, ever. It's as if that post does not exist at all outside of the small circle of people with access to it. (Or I'd probably hear more about myself, hah.)
For others, you might say something, but only in a very vague way. "Some people think this is annoying," for example. Or you might say something, but pretend you came up with the observation on your own: "Hey, this might come across differently than you intended..."
Personally, I don't know. I know it matters to me whether or not it's possible to guess who might have posted a friends-locked entry. For example, if I had only five people on my friends list, the answer would be a definite "no," because even if you could only narrow it down to those five people that would be, in my eyes, compromising someone's privacy.
What would you do?
NOTE FOR THE PARANOID: Yes, this is totally about you.
